1. I think the reason why some societies develop faster than others is due to the resources from environments. = I think the reason why some societies develop faster than others is because of the resources in their environments.
 “due to” is better replaced with “because of” here, and “from environments” should be “in their environments” to be natural.

2. In history, we can find many other countries who developed faster due to their location near by river or full of resources. = In history, we can find many countries that developed faster because of their location near rivers or abundance of resources.
 “who” → “that” for countries; “near by river” → “near rivers”; “full of resources” → “abundance of resources” for smoother English.

3. Sometimes, few country developed due to their strong military power but most of them are started from wealth. = Sometimes, a few countries developed due to their strong military power, but most of them started from wealth.
“few country” → “a few countries” (plural & article); “are started” → “started” (past tense, no “are”).
 

ESSAY CORRECTION:
People should follow their passion when deciding on a job. If you choose a job for stability, you might burn out after some time. There would be no motivation to work harder or improve. You can't find any reason to persist in your job. Also, if you pursue your career passion, you will be inspired to learn more about a specific field and can seize opportunities to develop. Following your passion will allow you more opportunities to succeed.